Struggle

My job does not own me,
My expenses do not enslave,
My obligations do not consume,
So why then, do these affect the way I behave?

I try so hard to breathe,
Unashamed and free,
Why then do I let life strap,
And bind my on my knees?

I exist as a prisoner,
Even as I am unbound,
Completely adequate to abide,
My limitations unfound.

Why do I settle for this Harness?
This instrument of travail,
When I was set to soar,
Your precepts to unveil.

Hinder not my march,
But direct my line ahead,
For my security is established in you,
Make firm the path I tread.

Never the Same???

Before I went to Ukraine, I said that I would never be the same. Well, I guess that is for the most part true. Because of many events that happened in Ukraine, all of the things I learned, and the way my heart was changed, I will never be the same. But for the most part, in my day-to-day life, I am back to the same routine; a changed person in the same old routine. Some of the emotions I felt, and the plans that I had haven't been forgotten, they're just in the cabinet above the refrigerator. You know what happens to the stuff in in that cabinet, right? When you open that cabinet, you think to yourself, "hey, I knew I bought some extra paper towels six months ago, and hey, here is the whiskey flask with my initials on it, that I've never used." Not forgotten, just not a thing you think about everyday anymore. When considering ministry plans, or the fire that I had, it becomes the saddest thing in the world to me, to think I've put those things on hold. Plans I couldn't wait to implement, a fellowship that I couldn't live without, now just a three pack of Brawny waiting to be discovered again. I may be the same as I was before I left, but I will never settle for being the same. I will be miserable all my days, or at least all of the days that I live in mediocrity, but I will never let it be well with me to live the life I was living, do the things I did, or be the man I was.

Oh God, my Father, let me never accept a lifestyle reminiscent of the one I am accustomed to living. Let it never appear to me that You, will accept this lifestyle as well. Burn away, arbitrarily, the chaff that is the wasted time, careless thoughts, and ultimately sin in my life. Refine my lifestyle, in all that I do, to bring honor and glory to You. This is my prayer. Amen